RMW part II Chapter 3

The room buzzed with the confused murmurs of robots and mafia alike. Robots sat mostly at one side and mafia mostly at the other with several couches placed around the room.  The whispers slowly came to a silence as a bonnet of blue hair alighted to the podium in front.  “Hello. For those of you who are newly recruited, I will introduce myself. My name is Epiphany, I am the current leader of the robot armies and this is my personal headquarters which you are all guests to today. Yes, even those of the mafia persuasion are welcome today. This week is deemed Australia week, meaning simply that it is an official time of peace and no violence can take place, as agreed by all parties present as they put their signature to the Australian Pact. Here is my co-host and nemesis, Morgaine, head of the Roman mafia, she will give you all an idea of what will be taking place today. Morgaine?” Epiphany stepped down from the podium and took her place at the center couch in the front row.  

“Thank you, Widget. Now, to get down to business. We are here to come to a collective agreement on policies during this time of conflict. As you are all aware, certain events have taken place recently that make this meeting vital. There has been a lot of switching of loyalties and underhanded tricks and  promises of tic-tacs,” she said glancing with a side smirk in Epiphany’s direction, “ etcetera. Myself, admittedly a participant as well.” Mumble mumble. “ But, now we are here to end all of these high school shenanigans and get along like true enemies should. We will also introduce a few new tactics that both Epiphany and myself feel to be a vital part of every robot and mafia members’ education, thus making this, the strategy room, a perfect spot for our opening lesson. More will be revealed in the course of the day and I will warn you now: every person present will have to officially pick a side and decide their loyalties once and for all at the end of this week. Now, please direct your attention to the center screen between the two maps and we can begin the film. Feel free to take notes. Afterwards we will all proceed to the outer sitting room for cake and ice-cream.” Stepping aside and seating herself in the empty spot next to the robot leader, Morgaine exchanged a covert smirk with Epiphany as the screen flickered on.

Film: Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.

It was not long before the formal air died away and side commentaries emerged. Two main viewpoints on the video started to surface and before they knew what happened couch ganged up against couch, regardless of robot or mafia affiliations. The two leaders, seeking to satiate their troops’ desire for conflict declared COUCH WAR against the neighboring sofa (mainly consisting of duets of random singing against duets of random and suspicious laughter). Both sides took note of the tactics of Dr.Horrible and at least once every ten minutes someone stated their plans to capture Joss Whedon and Neil Patrick Harris to fight for their cause. Plans for freeze rays and time machines ensued and as the film let out everyone proceeded to the adjoining room for the aforementioned cake and ice-cream.

Epiphany having the robotic sweet tooth quickly acquainted herself with a piece of cake. Fred, Camilla, Morgaine, and a few others followed likewise in her steps and everyone cheerfully devoured cake and ice-cream, getting along as well as could be expected. Then, the mood shifted and a twinge of concern started to make its way into Morgaine’s subconscious as she viewed Epiphany devouring her second piece of cake. Morgaine had viewed the effects of too many cookies on her robot foe, but never had she been more on edge of the robot’s actions. Smiling broadly, Epiphany made her way around the room frantically hugging people around the neck in a motion reminiscent, thought the head of the roman mafia, of strangulation… strangulation with a smile. Many feared for their safety during the moments to come during the robots’ extreme sugar high. After a few uneasy minutes, a small dog sauntered in, drawing the gaze of all present and lending itself as a distraction. With widened eyes Fred immediately launched herself at the unaware creature like a bunny after her eggs. Finally, at the moment the robots’ sugar levels had risen to its peak the dog escaped the grasp of the eager Fred and made its way fiercely for the ankles of the sugar saturated robot.

“Those are some tasty ankles there, Widget,” teased Morgaine, “all the better to play footsie with Vergil ay?” Had the robot not been preoccupied with salvaging her own body parts, she would have most assuredly sent a death stare in the mafia leader’s direction. Seeing as most robots didn’t indulge often in cake, they had not discovered the result of too much sugar until then. It is now known that as a robot intakes sweets, deposits of sugar form in high concentrations around the ankles (the reason for this outcome is still to be determined). Epiphany, unfortunately found out the hard way and had to keep distance from the hungry canine for the better part of the afternoon.

When chaos calmed down the troops made their way back to the strategy room and formally discussed the possibility and practicality of developing a time machine. One of Einstein’s’ earlier projects had been geared along these lines but the project had never come to fruition and the idea was set aside for the more pressing matter of creating a viable means of flight. Even though Einstein had been successful in the later endeavor, this brought about another point to be decided: how were the resurrected scientists accomplishments to be doled out and shared? Should they be shared implicitly and completely, or should one side be able to commission a secret project from a scientist and gain a measurable edge on the competition? Or, should they just divide up the scientists and not share their talents at all? For that matter, did every choice or resurrection have to be agreed upon by every party or was the consent of one leader enough? And what would happen if someone was resurrected without the consent of the opposing side? Thus far, there weren’t any real problems with the resurrection system except the arguments over who was the main resurrector. There was limit on how many people they could resurrect within a certain time frame, but this was never really a problem since the resurrections were infrequent and so far no one had taken advantage of the possibilities afforded by resurrection. The meeting eventually adjourned with indecision, most matters to be decided at a later point in the week.

Leaving the meeting, Epiphany noticed everyone departed in pairs. Robot with mafia member, robot with mafia member, etc, leaving Epiphany and Morgaine standing alone in the archways wondering what to do. “Two by two, hands not of blue, they leave us Morgaine. It’s a bit suspicious, but oh well.” Shrugs, “what should we do now? We have all night open and nothing left needing preparing until tomorrow morning. We can watch old doctor who episodes and laugh at the low tech robots of yesteryear, I always get pleasure seeing the people in the past’s idea of a futuristic robot which usually amounts to nothing more than a tinfoil covered toaster.”

“Actually, I think it’s time for a little holiday preparation.”  Thus begins operation: Christmas.

Phase 1. With the cake now devoured and the holidays fast approaching, it was time to make the annual batches of Christmas cookies. Morgaine made hers: a couple batches of simple cookies with white chocolate chips, great for dunking in coffee. Epiphany made hers: a dozen different kinds of gourmet Germanic Christmas cookies in various shapes, tastes, and colors. Surely this would be enough to last through the holidays, if Epiphany doesn’t devour them all herself. Sometimes it is often wondered how Epiphany is so petite given the vast amounts of sweets and popcorn she intakes, and where exactly she gets all that ice cream. Does it magically appear? Does she teleport ice cream?  These are the mysteries Morgaine wanted answered.

Phase 2. Munching away on oatmeal candy canes, Morgaine sat back and watched the scene unfold before her.
  
“umm.. no. the crochet hook goes under the other V,” instructed Epiphany.
“What V. I don’t see any V,” asked Fred confusedly. “ You mean here?”
“Yes.”
“ I think I’m doing it wrong…”
“no, Fred, you just think you’re doing it wrong,” turning to her second student, “So, how are you doing Camilla?”
“I don’t know. I think I’m doing o.k.”
“You know… after you learn to crochet you can make yourself your very own crocheted penguin, or you can crochet a little sweater for a penguin. They need those for the penguins affected by oil spills.”
“Awww. That would be sooo cute!” squealed Fred, eyes wide.

Fred and Camilla continued to become proficient in the ancient ways of crocheting for the remainder of the night. Epiphany, being the well taught artsy robot that she is, coiled away the evening making jewelry to her hearts’ content. Morgaine, after laughing herself into remission from Epiphany’s crochet teaching skills, crafted hair barrettes out of some scrap fabric and lots of hot glue. In short, every robot and mafia ally participated in the evening of extreme crafting. As some were just learning their trade, a few left early and decided to take a shopping trip for presents.

Phase 3. Morgaine gave out her presents; her gifts crafted earlier in the evening to most and to Epiphany she gave a shiny metallic orb reminiscent of those which morgaine and epiphany made in their early days at school. Epiphany gave out her gifts next; her coiled jewelry to many and to Morgaine she gave a special Tupperware coffin, “because I know how hard they can be to find, and you never know when you’ll need one for that special someone.”  Smirking Morgaine replied,  “Considerate as always, Widget. Thank you. I’m sure it will come in handy one day.”

The others continued to unwrap their presents. An Agent of the codename ‘Buttons’ received a nifty and fashionable scarf, which few thought could smuggle up to three or four Mexicans. Later, for an undisclosed reason, there was an incident with said scarf and singing which lead to the agent almost being strangled with her own present. It was however brushed aside and quickly forgotten. Eventually, Camilla was last to give her gifts. She laid out several pretty ornaments and told everyone to choose their own gift one by one. The process was long and for some it poses a great dilemma of indecision. Some picked butterfly shaped ornaments, some chose snowflake shaped ornaments, but all chosen were equally impressive. Little did she know, the ornament she gave would later incite the great “seduction of the butterfly by a carnivorous plant” debacle, as well as the quandary over whether it was a snowflake, a carnivorous plant, or a spiderweb. There were arguments for each, but when it came down to it, the carnivorous plant vote won out. After some pretty words  and ‘come hither’ looks, the plant devoured the butterfly in a trap, causing it to become a zombie butterfly with hopes of persuading its seducer into joining forces against the other snowflake/carnivorous plant/ spiderweb of monochromatic color. Insanity and hilarity ensued the remainder of the night and little of true consequence to the war was ever decided upon, but all present considered it a night well spent.

Operation Christmas now complete. Day one of Australia week over.